Since this is my first blog post I'm not really sure how this is supposed to go. I am horribly uncomfortable on first dates, and job interviews and somehow this feels similar. I am an avid blog reader and the sense of connectedness and joy I get from reading them often surprises me. My biggest fear is living up to the standard of blogs that I love.....like (this one) and (this one). I often question my own emotions when reading their entries like "How could it be that reading a strangers words could feel like talking to a friend"? I guess the answer for me is that I feel like we are all more alike than we are different. We all basically want the same things, and that commonality is something I find great comfort in. Even though we are all alone we are all together in being alone.
As the title implies I am at a crossroads. I am 28 years old, unmarried, and have no children. There is no other living thing in my life I am "responsible" for. I have a job, but not a career, and like many people am unfulfilled in my life. As Thoreau put it best "The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation", and I no longer want to be quiet nor desperate. I want to live, really truly live. Not just go through the motions of life in modes: sleep, eat, work, eat, sleep etc. etc. As far as I am concerned that is not living, it is surviving, and while for many people that is the very best they can do, it is no longer acceptable for me.
Now as a side note I want to say that I am fully aware that to some people this all may sound like a sad, sorry, "feel bad for me", type of situation. I commit to anyone who reads this that there won't be many, hopefully any, moments of pity party. I'm really not that type of person. I am the one who got myself into this mess I call my life and I'm the only one who can get me out. I am feeling fully empowered to make these changes, I am the king of me : ).
My current position in life is really square one as far as I'm concerned, not because something major happened, simply because I say so. I am ready to put things of importance into my life in a serious way, and that is what this will be about. My journey towards a healthy, balanced and fulfilling life. This life may look nothing like what another persons, "healthy, balanced and fulfilling life" would look like, but it will be my version and I hope you will enjoy sharing the journey as much as I will enjoy living it.
I am hoping that this will be a place where I can meet people who are on similar journeys, find inspiration, be inspiring and keep myself accountable to the goals I have set forth. I know I am not alone in wanting to make the most of my time here on this earth and I so desire to hear from others and learn of their challenges and triumphs.
I will not be alone in this journey. I have a wonderful support system in my life, but I also know that the people who have known me for 15 years, or all my life will have a hard time with me changing. We all have a hard time with change. (I wonder why that is?). Plus I have a wonderful therapist I see weekly who gives me indispensable advice. I know therapy isn't for everyone, but it really works for me, and I will share the "light bulb" moments I experience in her office, simply because they are integral to this process for me.
Well it is late and I think that is enough of my brain on the page for tonight.
Cassidy
